Now let's face a fact. Memorising Pi is about as much use as a chocolate teapot or a Nun getting a job in Stringfellows. It's only use is to show the extremes of human imagination.

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According to the Guinness Book of Records a young chap from India called Rajveer Meena recited Pi to 70,000 decimal places in 2015 with half the World thinking that he should discover beer and find a girlfriend. instead. Actually very few people know about this record. More people are interested in what to watch on Netflix or how to keep up with the Kardashian's. And of course we all live in a World of intellectual darkness where the art of memory is a thing unknown. Today Social Networks define our lives and thinking. Even the Victorians with their survival instincts had a greater IQ around their knowledge. 

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That is the one I will beat. But first the European Record which is 24,063 in 2020 by Jonas Von Essen when most people in Lockdown with redundancy were starting craft shops on Etsy. But no, some wonder boy from Sweden where they sing ABBA set the European Bar.

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And how can I do this, many might ask. There are at least twenty people in the World who have recited Pi above 10,000. My personal best in front of a Tv Crew and invigilators was 15,223 back in 1998. It was about as exciting as holding a rubic cube contest on top of Everest or drinking beer with Greta Thunberg on Mars. And I am now swimming the same river twice and using the exact same system to establish my right as the Record Holder. First the European, then the World.

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Here's how I do it. I think in terms of mental pictures and let the pictures do the talking. I have an enormous shopping list of images in my head and all I have to do is associate twenty five digits to each picture like it was a big shopping trip at Asda, only I am feeding the entire town and everyone to be awkward has ordered every variation of food category. The pictures I have in my mind are everything from Liam Neeson's Particular Set of Skills, the Soup Dragon with the Clangers to a Childhood Holiday watching the King Kong film in a caravan. They only make sense to me, as each image is attached to the next, it's mental collaboration is that creative and easy. My pictures are personal and funny only to me, yet their narrative and partnership together is like a big Wiz comic. In this story of numbers greater than anyone on Earth, there are thousands of crashes and body parts. Here in my head Daleks are exterminating Blackpool Holidaymakers assaulting them with candy floss and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory has been turned into a McDonalds with topless barmaids that sell happy meals full of rats and fireworks.

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And the exact same imagination that allows this destiny of numbers, can also write books with illustration.

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There, now you know my darkest secrets. But please don't go thinking of beating my record!

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Sitting in some fancy hotel suite, I will recite the mathematical expression Pi and be moderated by professionals or academic eggheads in the community. It will be like watching paint dry. But on the good side. Look how pretty this website is with all this links like popping bubble foam wrap. And it will get me started on my Roald Dahl Quentin Blake type career.

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If you have a pretty website then this is the place. However it is useless if you run a Kebab shop in Brighton and someone in Inverness discovers your link. Like buying an acre of land on the Moon from Lunar registry. But if one new customer arrives out of a thousand clicks, then it is worth it. This is a unique platform for advertising. It is brilliant in it's simplicity and will only work once on it's novelty. And my Memory! So let the World see your website.

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Best Wishes Tom x